This year, I’ve lost my closest people, seen my nightmares come to life and gave pieces of me to people who didn’t perhaps deserve it. On such sleepless nights, I could toss and turn as much as I’d like but I knew ‘sleep’ or rather peace, was nowhere to be found. I had fears gnawing at my bare existence, fears of ghostly things. But there was one tiny thread blossoming into something beyond beauty-hope. That string pulled at my hollow heart and I felt like I could breathe again.
This year I’ve lost a lot, but so have I grown. What you see is what I wish to show you, the grostesque details left out because I do not wish for those around me to witness how brutal life can be. It is just as beautiful as it is terrifying. Aren’t we all? It is how we wish to perceive it that helps overcome all.
You will be someone’s best thing only if you’re the best version of yourself, for without that, you’ll be in a constant state of anguish and helplessness. You need to love yourself down to the core, for you to receive and give as much. Forgive yourself for overlooking your needs, it triumphs all.
Embrace yourself and the people around you for who they are, not what you wish they were. They’ve stuck by for reasons beyond our mortal understanding.
This year I was tested more than I ever knew I could be. I won, I failed, I cried, I laughed, I fell in love, I got deceived, I found me; but I didn’t fall, I never have and never shall. I broke constantly, though I never stopped healing myself. Stop putting efforts into things or people that aren’t worthy of you or going back to familiarity because it’s soothing or apologizing for being yourself or pretending for you fear judgement. These little things will gradually kill you bit by bit on the inside. You’re strong to have made it this far, so I believe you’re strong enough to make it through whatever shall come in your path again. You do you love, you do you.
In the journey of where you are now and where you wish to be, there could be peace and joy, if we allow for it to carve it’s way through the storms and fires. Remember, what feels like the end is often the beginning.
something i’ve been learning recently is that letting go takes intention. yes it takes time to heal from pain and yes it takes time before you’re ready to let go. but when you do get to that point, you need to consciously let that energy leave you. you don’t have to forgive whatever happened or be okay with it, but once you’re done understanding what has happened and the impacts it has had, you are allowed to say, “this isn’t serving me anymore so i am choosing to release it”
““The sign of intelligence is that you are constantly wondering. Idiots are always dead sure about every damn thing they are doing in their life.” - Vasudev”
“I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.”
